MC Anger Management vs DJ Inept

(Warning: Contains Foul and Colourful Language, read at your own risk)

We sat in the car, watching the dreadlocked characters lean against the wall and smoke weed. Ben and I were trying to muster the courage to walk inside the East Tamaki Sports Bar. The “Rap Wars” were taking place that night; it was an open mike MC Battle in the most notorious section of Auckland known as Otara.

We had been warned about Otara. Clearly from the last few people entering the bar, we were the only caucasion persons in the neighbourhood. My pale skin, not having seen much sun from the rainy New Zealand winter, glowed as bright as the bawdy neon sign outside the bar. A few hours before I arrived a friend had warned me about a decapitation that took place in the area. But Ben and I finally gathered up enough nerve to enter the facility.

When we entered, we were pleasantly surprised at how laid back it was. The rappers partaking in the MC Battle were as follows:

MC Lucky: A paraplegic white guy that looked liked Jesus with a dirty t-shirt in wheelchair
DJ Inept: I forgot his real stagename, but he was a rather inept rapper.
MC Anger Management: Quite an angry rapper, like to use the word ‘m*therf*cker’ in creative ways
MC Tedious: A very smooth rapper, but tended to lull the audience to sleep
C100: An imposing 6-5 native that looked as he was suffering from a severe bout of clinical depression
DJ Geekface: A nerdy looking MC with horned rimmed glasses

MC Anger Management defeated DJ Inept in the first round. Not much of a contest here, Anger Man being the clear winner. However, I did wish I brought an umbrella to shield myself from the spittle of his violent invectives. He lost his next battle to DJ Geekface. I think he ran out of saliva at that point.

C100, the 6 foot 5 rapper won his battles against DJ Geekface and MC Tedious. You wouldn’t have known from his expression; he looked like someone that ran over his dog.

The night belonged to unlikely hero MC Lucky. Some of the more memorable lines from this paraplegic rapper included this routine against DJ Inept:

yo, yo man I’ll kick yo’ ass out the mutherf*kin door
yo, you just like a three dollar g-string on a two dollar whore

yo, yo man you prance around like someone famous,
let me let you in on a secret: you suck anus!

So ended the night, MC Lucky was the winner. And Ben and I left, un-decapitated.